Learning new things - (really Lisa)

So I learned something new today about Haitian culture. In the native kreyol language, there does not appear to be a word for “owning” something. You can only say you “have” or “possess” something.

I have heard many times that Haitians don’t take very good care of their belongings and I’ve always wondered why that is. I have certainly seen the girls at the orphanage treat things in a way that seemed unnecessarily rough and destructive to me. I have also seen the girls absolutely compelled to touch, pick up, or play with things that they know do not belong to them. I just wondered inside if they have had so little in their material experience that was of good quality and worthy of trying to preserve, but that does not seem to be the answer as they are equally hard on nice things that should be worthy of preserving. They sure know how to conserve and be resourceful in other areas.

I think I learned today that embedded in Haitian culture is a lack of the concept we know of as “ownership” It simply does not occur to our girls that the cell phone or sunglasses they are about to grab belongs to someone other than them. No one “has or possesses” it so it is fair game. It also partially explains the propensity for shipped items to disappear as they clear customs here. It also brings new meaning to the phrase used in the US – “possession is 9/10ths of the law”.

This then brings me to a new challenge. How do I show/instruct the girls a completely new concept?? How does one communicate the idea of “ownership” to a small group of 9 to 15 year olds who native language does not even contain the word ownership. This is what I was rambling about when I wrote about showing them a “better” way, not just an “American” way. Ideas about teaching the concept of ownership with limited language skills??

April fish

I thought I'd write something quick and funny. Yesterday was April 1 which we know as April fools day. They have something similar here in Haiti and the girls call it "poisson Avril" ( pwa-sahn ah-vreel - literally April fish - don't ask me why they just do) The object is to tell an unsuspecting person that someone else is calling for them and they need to go see that person. When you go to see what the person wants and they are confused and reply that they did not call you, the 11 year old girl yells "POISSON AVRIL" and bursts into hysterical laughter as if she has just pulled off the best practical joke in the world. I thought you all should know this. Thanks for reading. -G

Recently a few dear friends and family have asked how we're doing ... it's been a while since we shared a blog update so here goes (along with a few prayer requests)!  The girls are making progress in their respect issues - it has been an encouragement to have a team from Haiti Under God here for the last 2 weeks to help come alongside us.  With our girls home Director, we introduced "Rules of Good Behavior" - while this hasn't been a "magic wand", it is helping us point the girls to what is expected of them.  The guesthouse has been consistently full which is both a blessing to Haiti and the Haiti Under God organization.  We are feeling much more comfortable with how to keep a house in Haiti running (and adding to our database of people to call when things break/wear out etc.).  The big thing we're struggling with is how to balance the needs of house and guests, the girls, staff @ both and our need for Sabbath rest.  Just yesterday the pastor and friend of Quisqueya church strongly encouraged us to make this happen as he "has seen people time and again burn out here and leave".  We have a newer respect for those serving in ministry here and welcome prayers as we brainstorm how to make this happen.  Every day is a new adventure and we are so glad to be here following God's call!  Gotta run as breakfast with the guests starts in 10 minutes ... love to all of you :)

Eight weeks ago~

All day I have remembered different parts of eight weeks ago today when we boarded the plane headed to Haiti!  Our "worldly possessions" were packed in 6 - 50 lb bags, 2 carryons and 2 shoulder bags.  We did not know what to expect, but knew how God had blessed this next step in our lives by clearly making the path clear ... there are many pieces to our story that we will share over time, but what I keep thinking about is:

a. How God provided a buyer for our condo 10 days after it went online in a "down" market.
b. How God provided extra time off with pay/benefits by whispering in Gerritt's ear for us to give notice at our jobs when we did - I told my workplace on a Monday and my group was walked out the door that Friday.
c. How 10 years ago God planted a love for Haiti in both our hearts and now look where he brought us!

There are so many handprints in our lives that show this is where we were meant to be.  There are (and will be) moments/hours/days I crave the familiarity of our lives before everything was switched around / turned upside down, however there is an undescribable comfort knowing I/we are where HE wants us.  I'm so thankful to all of you for being a part of our lives and along for this adventure ~ stay tuned :)

Update on the girls

So Julie hinted at it last time, but we are starting to realize the girls we have been seeing up until now have been a sort of cleaned up version of the real truth. Not that they are somehow awful kids - nothing like that. It's just that Julie and I are now not falling into the pattern of Americans who show up... bring fun things to do and hang out for awhile... then leave. Some return regularly, and some do not, but they all eventually leave. As the children realize Julie and I are not just here to play, but instead to bring about some changes in the way things operate, we are experiencing the first push back in terms of testing, disobedience, and flat out disrespect on occasion. We are quickly learning what kinds of "sticks and carrots" are at all effective. It is quite amusing to learn that a truly effective punishment for refusal to pay attention or sit still without interrupting is to have to sit next to me or Julie and hold our hand. 

A big task ahead of us is developing and implementing a set of "house rules" that clearly communicate expectations and repercussions for not following them. We are working with the house mother and pastor to develop our rules, but we can really use supernatural wisdom in figuring out what to tackle and what to let slide. To attempt to overhaul too much right from the start will only embitter the girls, and frustrate us. To not go far enough means allowing certain undesirable behaviors to continue longer than they should. We also need to navigate the rough waters of physical punishment for disobedience which is a very normal response in this culture.

 Tomorrow is the first day of lent and it is a season of introspection. Our prayer is over the next 6 weeks 17 girls will do some thinking about themselves, their attitudes, and their goals and how to achieve them. We will be doing the same of course. Feel free to join us!

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Playground and more

This morning we took the girls on an adventure and walked over to Quisqueya Chapel to use their playground and fields area.  It was so fun to see them laugh, run, swing and even climb the trees!!  We brought along a soccer ball, frisbee, bubbles and even a special treat of juice & siret (creole word for candy!).  Four of the girls go to school on Saturday mornings and one stayed at home with the staff ~ more on that in a moment ~ but as a previously kid-free couple I was pretty excited that we got 12 girls to/from on the streets of Port au Prince :)

 

Then this afternoon tested both of us ... rounding up all 17 girls for their weekly visit with the social worker is something we have experienced a few times already.  Just when you think you have most of them seated and go to find the others, the original ones have hopped up for some reason and the process begins again.  However today was extra challenging by keeping them seated, focused, not touching or poking each other, not talking, seated again etc. etc.  We both got pretty frustrated by the lack of respect the girls showed us, the staff and each other (the aforementioned girl that stayed home this morning was discipline related).  It is days like these that are teaching me parenting is hard - really hard - especially in a totally new  language/culture.  Plus the fact that most if not all of the girls have not had consistent loving discipline in their lives so they basically don't know any better ~ kind of like our lives before God.  Even with the frustrations of this afternoon, we feel so blessed to be here to love and help raise them to be Godly women in the tough world of Haiti.  We do not know what each of their futures hold, but want to point them to honor the one that does!

Equality vs Power

Reader Warning - today's blog covers Gerritt's mental musings and may make no sense whatsoever.

When you do something like move from the USA to a developing country with all its cultural differences etc., I have found that other people who have made similar moves or who have much more experience navigating between the Haitian and American cultures will almost immediately offer up lots of advice on how to manage the transition and digest the differences. For those of you who know me well, you will understand that for better and often worse, I am not a big fan of advice, especially unsolicited advice. My preferred method of understanding is try, do, succeed, or fail, and learn from my experiences. For the first few weeks we have been here (and even before we left) we received all kinds of advice that was meant to be helpful and was always well intentioned. One person told us we should never wear contact lenses. (too dusty in Haiti - don't want to risk scratching your eye) I immediately rejected that piece of advice, and have worn my contacts every day with no issues. Other pieces of advice have been great and very helpful in a practical way. One particular piece of advice was more philosophical and it has bounced around in my head ever since I heard it and I can't quite shake it. 

We met an American fellow here named Corrigan Clay. He and his wife Shelley run an incredibly effective artisan jewelry program that employs dozens or more Haitians at wages that can provide a real living here. Check it out if you want to know more   http://apparentproject.org/  We met Corrigan about two weeks ago and as we were talking he said  "If you want to understand the fundamental difference between American and Haitian culture, you need to understand this.... In America the highest value we have is equality - our entire culture is built around the constitutional concept that 'All men are created equal' Here in Haiti, the foundational value is power. All relationships, transactions etc. are organized around who has the power" I am paraphrasing, but he went on to say that this simple concept goes a long way in being able to wrap your head around the differences between Haiti and the USA. 

Now Julie and I have said all along that we were not motivated to come here to Haiti and "recreate the USA" down here. We desire to respect and honor Haiti's unique, if troubled, history and deeply complex culture. I see a lot of true wisdom in Corrigan's observation. This idea that power is the highest cultural value goes a long way in explaining the daily workings of Haitian society, and the patterns of Haiti's history. It gives me a straightforward framework on which to organize all the confusing things I see and hear about this strange new wonderful sad beautiful place I'm in. That said, I can't help but think of another culture 2000 years ago where a group of individuals with all the power used the institutions of religion, education, and cultural standards to consolidate power, and enrich/protect themselves. Jesus did not hold back in his criticism of their "power politics" mentality. He used phrases like "whitewashed tombs" that are beautiful on the outside but filled with darkness, death, and decay to describe the Pharisees. Then in the book of Matthew ch 23 vs 11 to 36 Jesus just unloads on them time and again calling them hypocrites, blind, and unjust. This leaves me in an uncomfortable position. There is a cultural norm I sincerely want to respect and not impose my own cultural standards against, but I also see how much things will stay pretty much the same here until certain ingrained and entrenched cultural values change. I do not take lightly the idea that I need to stand up and say "this is not right" to a long standing cultural and societal element that is pretty much universally respected and accepted here. But until hearts, attitudes, and values change here in Haiti, all the aid, support, and resources in the world will not change the desperate and distressing situations one sees every day here. It's not that I want to recreate "American ideals" here - far from it, the USA has its own issues. But I do feel called to be a small part in helping Haiti understand there is a better way - not an American way - to do things. A way that is right, just, and true. I have no idea how this will happen. We are starting with 17 young ladies who need to learn how to respect and love themselves and respect and love others. Julie and I will do everything we can to give them the gift of opportunity, the gift of faith, and the gift of hope. We may never see the change we hope to see in Haiti as a whole... who knows? But it sure would be a wonderful thing if we could see that change starting in the lives of 17 girls who have been told by the world they are of no value - or in Haiti that they are powerless and always will be. They are not powerless. They are children of the One who is all powerful, under whom we are all equal.